TMI: Too Much Information
by RedneckOtaku
Summary: Riza Hawkeye, Maria Ross, and Winry rockbell all have something in common that is scaring and endangering the men of the office's health. Girl humor. R


Disclaimer: I do not own FMA

Too Much Information

Roy Mustang walked into his office looking a little scared and fearful. His blue military jacket was in his arms and was dragging along the floor as he walked quickly into his office. His black hair was messy, almost like he had just gotten in a fight, and lost. Lieutenant Jean Havoic noticed this and wanted to know what was wrong. He approached Co. Mustang's office.

"Colonel, Sir?" Havoc stepped into Mustang's office and walked over to his desk.

"Yes lieutenant?" Mustang looked up drearily from his desk as Havoc saluted. Mustang saluted back and then Havoc continued to talk.

"Sir, are you all right? I came to my attention this morning that something was amiss." Havoc asked. Mustang looked up at him while attempting to pat down his messy hair.

"Woman...Don't get involved with them." Mustang said drearily as he continued to pat down his hair. Havoc sweatdroped and looked confused at Mustang.

"Sir?" Havoc asked again.

"Lieutenant Maria Ross is in a very bad mood and doesn't know how to take a joke. Avoid her at all costs." Mustang replied as he rubbed his soar left arm.

"Um, yes sir...?" Havoc began to reply but just then an equally mad lieutenant Riza Hawkeye walked in, gun drawn and aimed at Mustang. Mustang gulped as Havoc snuck out around her and ran down the hall screaming 'Woman have gone mad!'

"Colonel Mustang, sir! I suggest you not push my buttons today and do your paperwork as it was assigned, I'm not in the best of moods." He growled out through her teeth.

"When are you in a good mood Riza my dear?" Roy smiled and closed his eyes just as he heard a very loud bang and felt the breeze of a very small object go flying by his head which exploded into the wall behind him.

"Sir!" Hawkeye yelled ad Mustang began writing very fast thinking 'Woman have gone mad today'. Hawkeye walked over to her desk as said down, reloading her gun (Since she already fired at Armstrong and Fuery today at lest twice each). Mustang continued to write as Hawkeye shuffled through the contents of her top desk drawer. When she came up empty handed, she quickly flipped the safety to 'on' on her gun and stormed out of the small office. Mustang gulped and just stared as she stormed down the hall, crossing paths with Ross. He closed his eyes and tried to listen as the two talked.

"Lieutenant." Ross said saluting Hawkeye who saluted in return.

"What seams to be the trouble Ross?" Hawkeye asked as Ross pulled out a small white bottle from her purse.

"If Co Mustang attempts to get me to wear a skirt again. I swear, these pills will help anymore.. I'll murder his sorry ass I swear." Said a fumed Ross. Mustang could swear he saw smoke coming from Hawkeye as she slowly turned to face him, gun drawn and safety clicked off.

"Lieutenant, may I please have one of those pills?" Hawkeye said, trying to remain calm. Ross handed her a pill and Hawkeye swallowed it hole, no water. She took a deep breath and slowly walked into Mustang's office, Ross by her side, both having guns drawn. Mustang gulped and slid off his seat, hiding under his desk.

"Colonel Mustang!" Hawkeye yelled as a crowd of men formed outside of the office door. Ross and Hawkeye moved into the room. Ross handed Hawkeye her gun and Hawkeye took both guns and leaned over Mustang's desk, seeing him under it. She fired three times, each gun, just missing Mustang's head.

"Lieutenant ma'am...Um...why are you trying to kill Mustang?" Asked a soft voice of Alphonse Elric, who just arrived with his brother Edward and a pissed looking Winry Rockbell. Hawkeye, climbed off the desk and handed Ross her gun. She fixed her hair and smoothed out her cloths and went back to her calm state.

"No reason young Alphonse. Just needed to teach Co Mustang here a lesson in how to treat woman." Hawkeye and Ross left the office together and left a scared and soon to be woman feared Mustang shaking under his desk. Lieutenant Colonel Maes Hughes stepped into the office smiling. He crouched down behind Mustang's desk.

"Hey buddy. You really don't want to mess with woman who have guns. Especially on this week of the month." Hughes smiled. Mustang stood up and looked at Hughes confusingly.

"What do you mean?" Mustang asked.

"Well Roy, it's something called PMS." Hughes started but was cut off by Winry.

"I'll explain. Men don't under stand anything!" Winry knocked Ed over and walked into the office, an automail wrench in her hand.

"Okay Winry, you may explain." Hughes stepped aside and allowed Mustang to sit down. Hughes leaned on the wall behind the desk and all the other men in the office, some who had bullet smoke in their hair from Hawkeye's gun, came in and sat and stood around the office. Alphonse hesitated but Winry demand he enter. He would have to finds out sooner or later.

" I need something to drink. Edward!" Winry yelled and turned to Ed who ran out the door and grabbed a soda for Winry. Edward returned and behind him was Hawkeye and Ross, who were much calmer now. They stood in the doorway.

"PMS is a stage woman go through once a month. It's when we experience major mood swings that are totally random. The mood swings are often caused by... stress, dehydration, bloating, cramps, sleepiness, and blood loss." Winry exclaimed. The men stared at her, hanging on to every word. Winry continued to explained in depth all the informal and gruesome details about woman and PMS. She even managed to draw diagrams out on paper and pass them around. About an hour later, all the men were either in the bathroom upchucking their breakfast, passed out, or totally wigged out but too fearful to move. Or in Hughes' case, he stood perfectly calm because he received the exact same speech from his wife when they were still dating.

"I think I'm gonna be sick." Alphonse stated as he left the room with Havoc.

"Damn..." Fuery exclaimed as he stood pale as a ghost in the corner.

"And you want 'me' to get a woman?" Mustang looked up to Hughes who smiled.

"Once you get past that, they are very nice people." Hughes replied.

"Once you get past that. Hell I think Hawkeye lives in PMS land." Mustang said. Hawkeye growled quietly and fired off one whole round, just missing Mustang's head and causing Hughes to hit the ground and cover his head.

"SIR!" Hawkeye yelled as she pulled out another round and reloaded her gun.

"Sorry!" Mustang said as Hughes crawled across the floor and left the room, along with all other males. Ross and Winry left to go discus something and Ross ended up handing Winry a pill too.

"Exactly what drugs are you girls doing any ways?" Mustang asked, trying not to get killed, but trying to get more information to be better prepared next month.

"It's called Midol and why would you care Sir?" Ross asked from the hall way.

"Because I have to go home and deal with this. I need to go shopping and stock up on Midol and Tylenol." Mustang mumbled as Hawkeye left the room. Mustang rubbed his still soar left arm from where Ross hit him early this morning.

One month later

Hawkeye walked into the office, a little pissed that Mustang left this morning very early which caused her to walk all the way to work. She entered the office, surprised to find it empty. She walked over to her desk and found seven colored gift bags, each with it's own card. Ross entered behind her, carrying the same bags.

"Lieutenant? What is all this?" Ross asked as she placed her bags down next to Hawkeye's.

"Let's open." Hawkeye opened the bags and reviled seven large bottles of Midol, six red roses, one small box of chocolate, one white teddy bear and seven 'sorry in advance' cards. Armstrong, Fuery, Havoc, Hughes and Mustang had sent the bags and were trying to get prepared for the day. Hawkeye and Ross laughed. Ross received similar stuff. Seven 'sorry in advance cards', seven bottles of Midol, six red roses, and two boxes of chocolate.

"Men..." They exclaimed together as Ross left the room and Hawkeye restocked her desk drawer full of Midol. She was gonna need it once Mustang arrived.

A/N- Well ? What a scary thought. Only three girls, a handful of strong men and the girls over power the men just once a month. Poor Hughes, imagine what would happen when his daughter grows up - two PMS in one house. So please Read and review. Constructive criticism accepted, No Flames (Roy is the only person who reserves that right)

Please look in my profile oo0AnimeChild0oo for all my other stories. I have finished stories, in progress stories and some stories that are forever on going with no end. I also often make request in my profile for help finding information. So please, check out my profile. And again, thanks for reading. 


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